The Cutting of the Chord December 9, 2009
Posted by littlebeadle in Broken Hearted.Tags: love, metaphor, relationships, romance
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Sometimes when you focus on certain things it is hard to see anything but that thing. This is the case most of the time at least. But yesterday when all I could focus on was the fact that I have so much trouble de-committing myself from a relationship that is currently non-existing, I saw the simple truth that there is nothing else for me to do but let go.
It won’t mean that I am not true to my feelings towards him. Just because I stop fighting doesn’t mean I don’t love him anymore. It means that I free myself from this struggle that is holding on, because I am holding on to nothing at the moment. And if I have learned anything in the past few weeks it is that holding on to nothing is the hardest of all.
It’s much like when you carry a heavy plastic bag and it cuts your hand after you’ve been carrying it for a while. But when you try to reposition your hand slightly so that it will cut another part of your hand, the place where it was cutting before hurts even more and you’re better off keeping the bag in place even though it hurts.
Like that I have always been holding on. Not that I have held on while it hurt. But I have always been so afraid of how much it would hurt if I would let go that I have always have held on too tight. I have always been afraid that I would be pushing away and that I would never get back. And now I’ve lost completely.
Letting go then is the only thing left to do. It’s easier said than done. I’m trying to find some feasible form of actually doing this. One of my ideas is buying a bunch of colourful strings, tie about 60 pieces together and cut one off each day. Or perhaps I should make 60 little origami butterflies and set one “free” each day. Suggestions are welcome.
