Why This is not Pathetic but also not Interesting (Yet) December 21, 2009
Posted by littlebeadle in Broken Hearted.Tags: Ex-boyfriend, love, romance, Self awareness
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So back to the premise of this blog; I am writing it not to be forgotten by someone who I still love dearly but who has stopped loving me. I am insane you say? Well, yes is the answer. I love him an insane amount. I am pathetic you say? I say the answer here is no. This has several reasons.
One is because I am not exactly writing it for him now am I? If you would correctly interpret I am actually doing it for me, for me not to be forgotten. I am not just another girl to walk into someone’s life and just be sent back again. And I also did not just choose any odd guy to share my life with. And this is the reason I do not want to be forgotten, excuse my arrogance.
Two is because this blog has turned out not to be a means of holding on. This is in turn, because outside this blog I have a whole other life in which I have to deal with the whole reality of what has happened. Belief it or not but I am going through the whole natural process of letting go and moving on. However slow or fast it might be going, this blog is not speeding it up or slowing it down.
Three is because I am thoroughly enjoying writing this, nearly, every day. I will let you in on a personal level and will let you know that even though I don’t make a living out of it, I consider myself to be a writer. I have done a course and though this doesn’t make me a writer, it does make it more official (I guess I am just saying this because there are probably quite a few people out there calling themselves writers, but I certainly don’t blame you if you think I am one of them). It’s just so damn difficult sometimes to write but now I am writing nearly every day and it makes me feel great.
Most of you will still think that this is a pathetic idea. And trust me I do care. I want to make this blog more interesting and more engaging (and I write make because I know it just isn’t really very interesting at the moment). I am just trying to find the right style and the right topics to write about, so any feedback is welcome. I want to know what it takes to get those page views. Not for the sake of becoming successful (that’s what most people want anyway), but for the sake of understanding how blogging works.
I have let him, my ex-boyfriend, know about the blog and I wonder if he’s going to take a look or not. I would like him to read this every day as if it were just another blog. As if it were something casual to read, something that might perhaps make him a little happier, because I want him to be happy. Whether that is with or without me.
Good Old Family December 20, 2009
Posted by littlebeadle in Broken Hearted.Tags: family, Magazine, Self awareness
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When I was at the hairdresser the other evening I was flicking through one of those already explained women’s magazines (see post: Breakthrough). One of the articles in there was about taking a certain number of steps to get along better with your family. I have to admit I did not read the contents of this article so I can’t comment on it, and it is not what I intend to do because I get along with my family.
These articles amaze me. What’s more, people that don’t get along with their family, and most importantly their parents and siblings amaze me. These people are the most important people to me on the whole planet. I love them to bits and we have fun together and I hardly ever argue with them.
I’m sad for people who don’t feel this bond and I wonder whether I should consider myself lucky to have this bond with my family. I mean it is not completely down to yourself as an individual to make this bond work, though there is a lot you can do about it. They say you don’t choose your family, which is of course 100% true. But it is entirely your decision how to interact with your family.
Being around my family again for the holidays makes me realize once again how they know you better than anyone else does. They’ve seen you through highs and through lows and there is nothing you need to hide from them. Of course your family wants you to do well, but they will love you all the same if you don’t. They want you to be happy.
Putting all this sappy talk aside my family is one bunch of nutters, pets included. I won’t go into much detail as I’m putting myself out here on this blog but I won’t drag anyone else into it (except my ex-boyfriend but he is the purpose of my writing). In any case there is no place where I can be myself more than with family. That does not mean I am not myself when I am with friends, it just means that family brings out the best in me.
